20060808 Joke Of The Day: "Modern Version of the Birds and the Bees"

"Modern Version of the Birds and the Bees"

A little boy goes to his father and asks,
"Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well son, I guess one
day you will need to find out anyway! Your
Mom and I first got together in a chat room
on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail
with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where
your mother agreed to a download from
my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we
discovered that neither one of us had used
a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the
delete button, nine months later a little
Pop-Up appeared that said:

You got Male.

Joke Of The Day: Gator

Gator

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his
side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He
turns to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's
mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the
gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll
then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit
unscathed. In return for witnessing this
spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man
stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and
placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and
rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The
gator opened his mouth and the man removed his
genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks
were delivered. The man stood up again and
made another offer.

"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After awhile, a hand
went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly
spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to
hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

20060802.JOKE Of The Day:"Vaseline"

"Vaseline"

A market researcher called at a house and
his knock was answered by a young woman
with three small children running around her.
He asked her if she minded replying to his
questions and when she agreed, he asked
her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-
Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that
among their many products was Vaseline and
she certainly knew of that product.

When asked if she used it, the answer was,
"Yes, we use it when we have sexual intercourse. "

The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always
ask that question because everyone uses our
product and they always say they use it for the
child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some
other purpose; but I know that most people really
use it for sexual intercourse, they just don't like
to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you
tell me exactly how you use it?"

"We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out."