20060527 - Joke Of The Day: "Home on the Range"

"Home on the Range"

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty
year-old rancher in town. Tom had lost his wife
a year or so before and rumor had it that he was
marrying a "mail order" bride. Being a good friend,
the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom
assured him that it was. The banker then asked
Tom the age of  his new bride to be.. Tom proudly
said, "She'll be twenty-one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was,
could see that the sexual appetite of a young
woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-
old man. Wanting his old friend's remaining years
to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom
should consider getting a hired hand to help him
out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its
own course. Tom thought this was a good idea
and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom
in town again. "How's the new wife?" asked the
banker.

Tom proudly said, "Oh, she's pregnant."

The banker, happy that his sage advice had
worked out, continued, "And how's the hired
hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant,
too."

20060511 - Joke Of The Day: "Kiss My Butt"

There was a married couple who were in
a terrible accident. The woman's face was
burned severely. The doctor told the husband
they couldn't graft any skin from her body
because she was so skinny. The husband
then donated some of his skin...however, the
only place suitable to the doctor was from his
buttocks. The husband requested that no one
be told of this, because after all,... this was a
very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was
astounded at the woman's new beauty. She
looked more beautiful than she ever did before!
All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved
at her youthful beauty! She was alone with her
husband one day and she wanted to thank him
for what he did.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything you did for me! There is no way I
could ever repay you!!!

He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty
thanks enough every time your mother comes
over and kisses you on your cheek!!

20060504 - Joke Of The Day: "Tongue Tied"

Three priests were in a railroad station on
their way home to Pittsburgh.

Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy,
shapely, well endowed woman wearing a
very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the
three priests very nervous, so they drew
straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window.
"Young lady, I would like three pickets to
Titsburg." He completely lost his composure
and fled.

The second priest goes to the window.
"Young lady, I would like three tickets to
Pittsburgh and I would like the change in
nipples and dimes."

Mortified, he too fled.

"Morons...." the third priest mutters and
moves to the window. "Young lady, I would
like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would
like the change in nickels and dimes. And,
if you insist on dressing like that, when you
get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to
shake his Peter at you."..

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